Ten years of marriage and nothing to show for it. “You are worthless, you never get me. At least he does,” my wife said. Yes, I am the one to blame for not divorcing her. I should get divorced. It’s not that we have kids, it’s just that she has a lot of inherited wealth from her grandparents, uncles, aunts, and of course parents. All of them are dead. Ain’s she glad? She does whatever she feels like. She’s like a monkey jumping from tree to tree leaving her scent behind. My wife sounds just like me, a variety-seeker. And she does a better job at it.
I remember the time after our honeymoon. It is vivid even to this day. She leaped onto the chef while he was in the kitchen. He was good at his job. He was busy when my wife wooed him out of the blue. To hell with the cooking, he said. Cries of joy echoed outside. People stopped eating and stared at each other in wonder. I knew what was on. It took a few minutes for the hotel manager to turn on the kill switch. Stop this insanity right now, he shouted. My wife came out disgraced and covered in flour and butter. I escorted her to the room where she transferred some of the flour and butter on to me in the hotel room on the 14th floor. I know you like it, she moaned.
If she can do it on our honeymoon, imagine what happened after that. “Who doesn’t enjoy a joyride?” She got me a girl who was about to be married. “Don’t be a killjoy. Here you go! Take care of her. Tomorrow she’s taken, so better start shaking.” She surprises me with every move. No one is willing to believe a word I say about her. You are making her sound like a monster, a friend said. Voilà!